A few days ago I decided to take a day off. I needed a lazy day to allow my mind to recharge. My mind is been working over hours since the earthquake, constantly solving problems, thinking of what to do next, it’s even processing how to react to the environment around me. I can feel my mind needs a day where it doesn’t have to critically think about every little detail. A day where it can just breathe and rest. I needed a lazy day in bed. A day just for me, my dreams and my thoughts. And so I did.
But sometimes the worst place where you can be is in your own head. As soon as I had my day off sadness knocked on my door and crawled into bed with me and stayed there for a couple of days. It was like someone turned on a switch somewhere and all emotions were allowed to run freely through the room.
I feel alone
I know we will be okay, I know Villa Nangka will be okay, but I still felt awful. And although I know there are many people out there that love me and care for me, I felt so lonely. Loneliness is such a powerful and frightening emotion. It comes to you out of nowhere, and suddenly, you are immersed in a labyrinth of emotions.
I try to tell myself it’s okay. I’m only human and sometimes humans feel like crap. They feel sad, and they miss people who used to be so significant in their lives. I tell myself I am allowed to feel this way, I am allowed to be hurt. Because, at the end of the day, hurting is the only thing that will lead to healing.
I guess the thing about life is that you can’t skip chapters. That’s not how it works. You have to read every line, meet every character. You won’t enjoy all of it. You will see things that you don’t want to see, you will have moments where you didn’t want to turn the page. But you need to keep going. Because stories keep the world revolving. After a few days of thunderstorms in my head the sun start shining again. Without any announcement it just rocked up and started shining her special light.